I thought that 2018 was my year. My modeling took off in the right direction, I went on vacations with my family, I experienced new things, and places. I did well in school and I loved my summer job. My diabetes was the most under control it has ever been in the last 9 years since getting diagnosed. My relationship was thriving, I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. A recent out of the blue breakup hit me like a semi. Quite frankly there’s nothing like a low blow to the heart from the person you relied on most, to realllllyy make you step back and reevaluate who you are, what you want, and what you’re going to do to make those things happen. 2018 was my year for those reasons and far beyond. I am speaking it into existence right now though, that 2019 will only be better than 2018. So I thought a list of my top 10 goals for the year would only be fitting for my first post of 2019.
- WRITE/ BLOG MORE
I started this blog about a year and a half ago, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed in my lack of dedication to it. To be honest, the past year and a half I haven’t really had anything that I felt was truly “blog worthy” because my days, aside from some cool modeling jobs were really quite boring. I didn’t really travel aside from family vacations, and I didn’t go explore or adventure. I hung out and did the same boring things every day, but that won’t be the case this year, and I am starting early. After this week though I have some very exciting things coming up, that I can’t wait to share. (If you know what I’m talking about already, consider yourself lucky, & if you don’t… be sure to read my upcoming posts because I’m going to be documenting it all here). I love to write, I love to take pictures, and I love to create content that is visually appealing. Not only did I create this blog to write about my triumphs, but my trials as well. I admire people who can admit that they struggle, and fail, sometimes but also can then share those experiences with others in hopes of helping them. Whenever I get sad, scared, or upset, about anything, the very first thing I do is hop on google. I’ve searched things like: “What causes eating disorders?” “How to build the self-confidence you’ve been lacking,” and the latest, “How to get over a breakup, as soon as possible.” With each and every search I have read dozens, and dozens of articles, or blog posts from real people who share their true experiences that help to give me a piece of mind. If my honesty can help someone in some way, or if my experiences can help to motivate someone else to go reach their goals, and follow their dreams, then why wouldn’t I share? I have learned that 9 times outta 10, as long as you are willing to talk, lots of people are willing to listen.
- READ MORE
Again, reading is something that I genuinely enjoy. Magazines, blogs, self-help books, non-fiction, or fiction. I like the idea of stimulating my mind, and slipping into a whole different world, that I get to visualize, and create. Reading is like an escape from the real world for me, and I find that I am happier, and a better me, when I get to escape a little more often. So, if you have any recommendations, don’t be shy.
- MAKE LOTS OF MONEY, & SAVE LOTS OF MONEY
I am simply not a saver, no matter how hard I try, I fail. I will give myself some credit and say that I have gotten much better, however, I could still be a lot better. I am in a very fortunate position going into this year with my modeling, and my bomb summer job, so I have quite large expectations money wise for this year. My goal is to have a hefty savings account all the while, having enough money to travel when, and where I want.
- FOCUS MORE ON DIABETES & BE MORE OPEN ABOUT IT
I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was 12 years old. When I got diagnosed my parents were going through a messy divorce, and I was getting ready to hit puberty, so it was an incredibly tough time. It has played a prominent role in my life, but I haven’t always treated it that way. From ages 15-18 I acted as if I didn’t have this very serious disease, that realistically could take my life at any moment. I pretended I didn’t have it and refused to check my sugar for days at a time (supposed to check it 3/4x daily, just for reference). I want to be more open so that people realize its really fucking hard actually to handle diabetes. Its hard to cope with this new burden, and accept that you aren’t the same as everyone else; you have to be more careful, you have to be smart, and you have to take your medicine. It’s a lot and getting diagnosed when you are learning about who you are, and growing up is tough. It’s a learning process and until you accept that it is your life.. the most important part at that, you can’t be healthy and successful the way you need to be. It’s something I am striving to be more vocal about because it affects my life every. single. day. and talking to people in the same boat helps. Once again, if you’re willing to talk, people are willing to listen.
- TRAVEL MORE
I want to see the world. I want to meet new people and experience new things. New cultures, and norms. The world has so much to offer and if I didn’t dedicate part of my 20’s to visiting new places, in the US, and other countries, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
- BOOK A CAMPAIGN AND WALK IN MIAMI SWIM WEEK
2 years ago, modeling was nothing but an idea in the back of my head. Fast forward to today, and I have two contracts, on my way to getting two more, and I am booking jobs pretty regularly. I have never considered runway modeling because one, I am short, and two, I have big boobs. Miami swim week, however, is a different world. The girls are shorter and curvier, and I would fit in so well. I decided probably sometime last August that I would walk in Miami Swim Week 2019, and honestly, with each day I chase it, it becomes more and more likely. So, be on the lookout for your girl in 2019, and don’t say I didn’t tell you I’d make it happen. As far as a campaign goes, any, and I mean ANY would make me happy. Once I make these two things happen, just know you won’t be able to tell me, anything. I did it, I made it happen.
- MEET MORE PEOPLE WITH SIMILAR INTERESTS AS ME
This past week I have talked to more people who have the same interests and drive as I do than I have the last 2 years. It’s amazing how different the conversation is when you talk to someone whose passions match yours. The conversation suddenly becomes so much easier, and so much more important.
- MOVE OUT & AWAY
I have lived with my aunt & uncle and their little girls for the past 3 years. They offered me a more appealing home than either of my parents could provide at the moment, and I’ve stayed ever since. Living with them has seemingly been one of my greatest blessings so far & I say this for a few reasons. For one, the little girls are always so good to be around, whether I am mad or sad or even having a great day, being around them and listening to them, and watching them grow really truly makes any day better. The other reason being watching my aunt and uncle and how they build and operate together is something that I look up to. My aunt is a boss who holds her own, and my uncle is the best husband and father I have ever seen. They have set the standard high for married life, and I refuse to settle thanks to them. With all that being said, it is time for me to move & start living my life to the very fullest. Whether I move to Chicago, Grand Rapids, LA, or Miami… it is time for me to go, because my dreams are far bigger than East Lansing, Michigan.
- BE MORE SELFISH
I just spent 3.5 crucial years of my life, loving someone (who’s proving that he didn’t really deserve it), more than I loved myself. I put him above every other thing in my life, and it was easy to see. Every single day, weekend, trip, and moment revolved around him. Our “future” revolved around him, and his dreams. It’s sad, but no ones to blame for this, except me. I let myself become so consumed in this life of his, before living my own.. But listen to me carefully when I say that will never happen again. EVER. From this moment on, my only concern is Taylor. What does Taylor love? What does Taylor dislike? What does Taylor want out of life? What does Taylor want to accomplish? What does Taylor need? 2019 is all about me; doing what the fuck I want, when I want to, with the people I want to.
- BE LESS SELFISH (hold on, didn’t you JUST say be more selfish?)
I did. But I have realized that I can be selfish when it comes to the people who I love the most, who deserve the world from me, and my endless support. I have found myself running to people I haven’t spoken to in months or years, and you know what? They still answer. They still talk to me. They still drop what they’re doing to make sure I’m okay. They still tell me that they’ve been cheering me on silently from the sideline, while I pretended they weren’t there. They give me true encouragement, and love, and I need to be more like them. I am a week into 2019, and I already know who has my back and believes in me and I am doing nothing but returning the favor for these more than deserving humans (you know who you are, I can’t say thank you enough).
“If it costs you your peace, its too expensive.”
I said before and I’ll say it again… only up from here.