My new favorite, failure.

So I have this thing for quotes, I always have. They’re short, sweet, &  straight to the point. Most of the time they’re incredibly motivating too. A couple of months ago, I came across this quote about failure. It read “Failure isn’t necessarily a terrible thing. Getting upset, allowing it to fuel your passion and attempting it again in a new way… That is perseverance seeking the sweet satisfaction of success. May failure fuel your success.” I read it & thought “holy shit, woah.” Never once in my whole entire life had I looked at failure, as a good thing. In fact, my whole entire life I had been so, so, SO, afraid of failing. At anything. In more cases than I’d care to admit, my fear of failure kept me from pursuing things I might’ve been really, really, good at… simply because on the opposite end I might be really, really, bad at it, & failure is embarrassing. Having people watch you fail, is even more embarrassing. The past year & half I have failed at a lot of things… & I wasn’t able to realize this before, but thank god that I did, because these failures have only made me better.

“Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures & the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something.”

I’ve been trying to model for the past 2.5 years, & let me tell you, I have faced rejection, after rejection, after rejection. I’m too short, or my boobs are too big, or my skin isn’t clear enough. When I first started chasing it, I didn’t expect rejection at all, certainly not the amount that I was about to receive. This sounds awful, but I’m not used to being told no, ever. I’m used to flashing my smile, batting my eyes, & getting exactly what I want, when I want it. So coming to the realization that this wasn’t going to be the case when chasing my dreams, hurt my ego bigggg time. The past 2.5 years I have had agency after agency tell me no, in the beginning, the no’s were crippling & even drove me to treat my body so poorly in order to try to change their minds. It was detrimental & one of the hardest things I had to overcome. BUT nonetheless, I overcame it, & kept going. I’m still going. Miami was just a bust, I couldn’t find an agency that would look over my 5’7″ frame, & at the moment I was so upset. Now, the only thing on my mind is getting to LA as soon as possible, like… next week soon. If I would’ve signed somewhere in Miami, I would’ve found a reason to stay there & stagnant, & deep down that’s not what I want. The no’s that I continue to receive only make the yes’s that much better. The no’s only make me want to work that much harder.

“We can be truly succesful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to fail, we are unwilling to succeed.”

In my life, I have experienced lots of other failures. In work, health, school, family, friends, relationships, all of it. At first, they all suck. Bad. But honestly, when it comes down to it I am a firm believer that all of the failures only make me better. When my relationship failed, I was embarrassed. Embarrassed by what people might think because the fairytale that I always posted on social media, was very clearly a lie, & now I was caught. Now, I’m relieved it failed because it taught me what I want, what I don’t want, & what I actually deserve. I know to always trust my gut, & actually listen to my mom’s advice (haha, sorry mom). When I refused to take care of my diabetes & appointment after appointment was me getting yelled at by my doctor, I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that I didn’t care enough to try harder, & take it seriously, embarrassed that I was “bad” at something. Now, when I go to the doctor, I don’t dread it, I don’t leave in tears, & I know so much more about the severity of my disease. When I found out the dad I had known for my whole life wasn’t really my biological father I was devastated & embarrassed. Embarrassed, because, it seemed like everyone around had known, & I was the last one to the party. When I found out that my biological father had 4 other children whose lives he played a very prominent role in, but refused to acknowledge my existence, I was embarrassed. Embarrassed, because, why wouldn’t he want to be a part of my life? Now, I am more than grateful for the relationship I have with my dad & his family, and more than okay with not having a relationship with someone who has no desire to have one with me. All of these “failures” have hurt me, confused me, & embarrassed me, but beyond that, they have made me so much better & so much stronger. These failures made me uncomfortable, & then they made me open my eyes & try harder. They made me swallow my pride & focus on what’s important.

“If you fail in your attempt, learn your lesson, & try again.”

Failure is apart of life. It’s a part of growing, learning, & evolving. How you look at failure & then interpret it is completely up to you. How you respond is completely up to you. Choosing to consider failure as a lesson, rather than a reason to stop trying has made a huge difference in my life already. So my advice to you is keep trying & keep failing! Keep falling, but just be sure that you get back up & keep going. The only true failure in life is quitting. At the end of the day, all of those little failures will only make your victories that much better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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