Before you find yourself too deep into this blog let me explain why I am here. The last few months I’ve been on this honesty kick. By that I mean I have put a mega focus on being honest, in every situation, even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to. With my friends, boys, my family, my agents, & most importantly, myself (that one is turning out to be the hardest, imagine that). So let me be honest with whoever may be reading this. Mainly, I’m here for myself. (does that sound bad? I’m sorry). I’m here to give myself an outlet to write about the real shit life throws my way all the while I am trying to build a stable successful life for myself that includes, but is not limited too- going to school, taking care of my diabetes, taking care of my body, putting time into modeling, maintaining friendships, maintaining relationships, being a good daughter, sister, niece, cousin, etc. & trying to not lose my mind in the process. Sounds pretty fun, right? I mean it is, but damn sometimes it’s tough. Sometime’s I think about giving up, retreating, going through the motions, and living a “normal” life. But then I snap the fuck out of it & realize hell to the no I don’t want a normal life, & therefore, hell to the yeahhh I will snap out of it & work my ass off to get where I want to be.
This space is absolutely for me, but it’s also for others. It’s for you. Whether you are 22 like me, 15, or even 35. Whether we are best friends or we’ve never met, this space is for you to look at what I’ve gone through, what I’m going through, & relate. This space is not my Instagram, it is not my highlight reel. In fact, it might be the exact opposite. Its where I’ll be honest & tell you all about the failures & defeats, the low points, & the tears. It’s where I’ll tell you how I’m got to where I am now, & how I plan on getting to where I want to be.
I started this blog about 3 years ago & have been on & off since. There’d be times where I’d write 4 posts in 2 weeks, then go radio silent for 6 months… yeah stupid I know. I have finally decided to stick to it, to write whenever I want to, & even when I don’t. A large part of why I would start & stop, & start & stop is because I was afraid. Afraid of what people would think, & afraid of what people would say. (which might I add is fucking stuuuuupppiidddd, & I don’t recommend). I’d watch as others put themselves out there & dedicated their time to something they love despite what others may think, & I’d watch them flourish. In my head, I would think “damn, why isn’t that me?” It was a stupid question because I already knew the answer. It wasn’t me because I wasn’t putting myself out there & I wasn’t doing what I loved because I was afraid. I know that I am very capable & I know that if I dedicated my time to the things I love, that could very well be me.
Again, I want to be very clear that while this blog is for myself, it’s for you too. Whoever you may be. To not only listen to what I’m saying but to talk to back. To realize that we go through a lot of similar things. To realize that just like me, you are capable too. To realize that life can be shitty & throw curve balls but more often than not it can be great & everything you want it to be. So thanks for being here, & thanks for listening to this 20 something talk about all the shit we often find ourselves avoiding. I think this is going to be fun.